The wedding ceremony is a symbol of our willingness to take part in this covenant. The difference between a vow and a promise is significant. A vow is set apart by our commitment to the covenant or principle, not just our commitment to each other. It’s easy to make promises, but when circumstances change, too often our promises are not kept. But a vow is different – it’s sacred. It says that only death can end it. In marriage, our commitment is to something higher than ourselves. It is a commitment to God.
Our wedding ceremony should reflect this significant statement. When we say we will stay together “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,” we do this because we have something greater than our love for each other that will keep us together. Cecil Murphey, co-author of more than 100 books, says “Our commitment to God’s principle of a relationship severed only by death transcends earthly things. It’s powerful because it surpasses feelings and situations. It’s a relationship that says, ‘Even though, and no matter what . . . we’re still together.’”
Focusing Your Ceremony Heavenward
In biblical covenants, symbolic actions were often used to demonstrate the significance of the event. When Joshua made a covenant he placed a stone under an oak tree so that all the people would see it and remember. Sometimes, sacrifices were offered as a symbol of a covenant (Exodus 24:5-8) or salt was used in a ritual to convey specific meaning.
Symbols that are carefully chosen can continue to carry significant meaning for your entire marriage. Something as simple as the stone I found this morning might be all you need to remind you of your commitment to God and each other. Or you might, like a friend of mine, choose a lump of coal as a symbol of God’s grace - as the coal is turned into a diamond, so too is your marriage with God’s help.
Consider your vows. Your vows too are symbols of something greater. Vows may be personal but not necessarily private - they involve the whole community. Marriage unites families; consequently, faithfulness to your promises will effect the entire family community. Hence, the church asks that you “utter aloud before God and these witnesses,” as an underscoring of the public nature of the event.
The social aspects of the promise cannot be ignored. Perhaps a simple symbolic gesture might be to include your guests to attest to your vows with a verbal response. You might even include a declaration that your guests sign at the end of the ceremony as witnesses to your promises. This simple act will forever remind you of the accountability you have to each other, family and community.