Holy Sex: Overcomes Shame
Eroticism: Causes Shame
Eroticism causes us to treat both our partner and ourselves as vending machines. Pull the lever and get pleasure in return. But people aren’t things, and when someone tries to use us -- whether accidentally or on purpose -- we naturally feel ashamed in their presence. At first, this causes us to withdraw from the other person, but if this is allowed to continue, we’ll withdraw even from ourselves, becoming cut off from our own feelings.
Holy Sex, on the other hand, is the physical relationship a couple enjoys when they feel truly safe and cared-for by each other. Because of this, lovemaking actually helps a couple feel less ashamed of their bodies and their very selves in the presence of their lover.
Holy Sex: Welcomes Children
Eroticism: Fears Children
Eroticism is primarily about recreation and thus is very childish. Because eroticism is innately immature, it fears the presence of children and considers pregnancy a disease because it sees children as competition for limited resources that the adult child would put to “better” use indulging himself or herself. When something more meaningful than recreation comes along – like a baby -- sex becomes just one more formerly fun thing you don’t have time or energy for.
Holy Sex recognizes the truth of Scripture that tells us that children are a blessing that comes with sexual intimacy (Ps 127:3-5) and welcomes them, joyfully and responsibly. Furthermore, Holy Sex is rooted in generosity instead of mere recreation. Those who have practiced generosity before children, though aware of the work involved in parenting, recognize childrearing as a labor of love that leads to even greater loving.
Holy Sex: Forever & Faithful
Eroticism: Momentary and Promiscuous
Eroticism is about getting what can be gotten in the moment (and often, from whomever is there in the moment). It has little to do with past intimacy or future commitment. Holy Sex – a physical sign of God’s own forever love for us -- treats lovemaking as the fruit of a permanent, marital relationship that is faithful, fruitful, forever, and free.
Holy Sex: Shares the Whole Self
Eroticism: Withholds the Self
A person practicing eroticism gives as much of themselves as they must give to get what they want. Eroticism doesn’t really care about the mind, soul, or friendship as long as the body feels good. This is why a person who learned about sexual intimacy in the context of mere eroticism might find engaging in premarital sex or extramarital affairs pleasurable. The problem here is that healthy human beings really shouldn’t know how to check their hearts, minds, and spirits at the door.
By contrast, Holy Sex believes that sex comes last, after someone has made the lifelong commitment to receive every part of you, and primarily your mind, soul, and friendship. It does not say “Give me your various body parts – thanks!” Rather it says, “Give me everything!” and gives everything in return. Holy Sex honors the entire person, and is the expression of love that results from that honor.